Hustle and Bustle

The hustle and bustle seems to be going on all around me right now. But it just doesn't feel like Christmas to me. This may be due, in part, to the fact that it has not snowed yet here in St. Louis. And we're experiencing balmy temperatures in the mid to upper 40's (maybe even a 50 this weekend???).

But there's more to it than that. I'm just not really feeling it this year. I think I fell off my horse. My Christmas horse. Or maybe it was a reindeer. Whatever, I fell off this year. Here's why I say this:

~I haven't baked one cookie, brownie or other holiday treat.

~I got as far as putting up and decorating the Christmas tree with my family. All the other decorations are still in their boxes. In my garage. Where they will stay. (Except for the stockings, which will probably be located at 2am on Christmas morning following a frantic search through lights, tinsel and fake evergreen stuff. And only because the children will be disappointed if they're not filled.)

~I have been playing Christmas music in our home, but instead of working with the boys to come up with a fantastic playlist, I'm letting Pandora Radio do that for me.

~I haven't sent any Christmas cards out yet. Given that Christmas is in four days, I'm thinking I won't be sending cards this year.

~I haven't done any Christmas crafting (which is like Santa going on the Atkins Diet & giving up cookies).

~I just started a couple of hand knit gifts for family members. Three days ago.

Yikes. Our Christmas isn't exactly a Hallmark Holiday Feature, is it?

I'm still adjusting to life as the mom of a baby who is already in Heaven. Emotionally and physically, since my body seems to be slow on the uptake (especially in the waistline area). Family stuff and work are keeping me overly busy, and there's just not enough time, energy or me to add all the holiday hustle and bustle. In years past, I would have been completely freaking out wrought with guilt over these holiday transgressions.

But this year I'm not. I think I'm finally getting some perspective. Out of necessity, I'm weeding out the superfluous stuff and just going with the stuff that is really important. And I am so. not. stressed. about it. I am chill.

I stumbled upon a great blog post this morning that perfectly sums up my thoughts and feelings.
Hop on over to Life as Mom and see if you can find some helpful perspective in amongst all this hustle and bustle.

Are you cutting back, giving up, or altering any of your usual holiday activities?

How We Study

Now that Ty is in third grade, they have tests. Real tests. Over subjects like science and social studies. For a kid with ADHD, this is tough. He actually learns very little during the day at his public school. Most of what he learns is what we study at home.

I like to call it "Home Schooling in an Hour a Day."
(Yeah... don't get me started. That is a topic for another post.)

We use a multisensory approach to learning around here. I thought I would share some of the things we do to assist in learning.

Movies. I make movies and PowerPoint (or KeyNote, since we are a Mac family) presentations that cover the content of the current unit. I usually download images using Google Image Search. I also include narration as well as print. I use text to emphasize the most important words. Sometimes I draw my own diagrams or pictures to illustrate a concept. I use the computer's built in camera or my iPhone camera to snap a photo of the drawing. This simulates a direct teaching session without me actually having to cover the material daily. He can watch the movie on his own, an then we do one of the following activities together.

Little Questions: We do this for all subjects. I leave a little question or math problem written on the bathroom mirror/sliding glass door/window in his room in dry erase marker. The next time Ty passes by, he sees it and solves the problem or answers the question. Then I check it and either write a happy response (if he got it right), or I call him in to discuss the error (if he got it wrong). We also have a small white board that I put questions or problems on and leave in the most peculiar places. He might find it tucked into his underwear drawer, in the refrigerator, rubber banded to the box of cereal, on the shelf where he keeps his Nintendo DS, etc. He writes his answer and brings it to me to check. Usually, when I put it where a leisure or fun item is stored, I have confiscated the fun item so that he must answer the question and bring it to me in order to get that item. He gets it as long as he answers the question to the best of his ability and with a good attitude.

Quiz cards: Ty's teacher sends home a study guide for all science and social studies tests. I make flash cards with a question on one side & the answer on the other. He will look through them on his own and then I quiz him aloud. To make this a more sensory friendly activity, we usually do the quizzing while taking a walk, or while Ty fidgets on his rocker board, etc.

Jokes and Examples: People learn best when learning is fun. People also learn best when concepts can be related back to real life. In all of the materials I make for Ty, I try to include examples that he can easily relate to, and things that make him smile. For example, in a recent science test, he had to name three living things and three nonliving things. The examples I put on the flash card for nonliving things was "rock, paper, scissors."

Games: I make lots of games up for curriculum content. It goes back to that whole "learning should be fun" thing. Currently, we are using a game I call "Jump To" for science. This unit covers carnivores, herbivores, consumers, producers, etc. I took several sheets of scrap paper and wrote the name of one animal on each one. Then I spread them out on the floor of our living room and give instructions like, "Jump to a carnivore," or "Tippytoe to an omnivore." when he starts to learn the information, we play in rounds, where I take turns following his directions, too. He tells me if I'm right or wrong. I purposely get some of them wrong, and when I do, he has to tell me why I'm wrong and what the correct answer would have been in order to "steal" that point from me.

When these aren't enough: I add an extra layer of sensory input. Tyson is what we in the special education community might call a "pressure junkie." He fidgets, jumps, crashes into my [poor] furniture, etc. in an attempt to gain pressure sensations into his nerves. So, adding support objects such as weighted blankets or lap pads, rolling him up tightly in a big blanket, sitting on a big fitness ball, etc. help him stop fidgeting enough to focus. We also do things like "pushes," where we stand facing each other, touch hands in front and he pushes on me. He gets these as a reinforcer for working hard or getting a really tough question right. His goal is to push on my hands with enough force to make me step backwards. He also recently learned to stand on his head (while leaning against a wall) so I will often quiz him or take dictation for a writing assignment while he's upside down. I know it sounds crazy, but he is so calm and still, and he just seems to focus and think better that way.

Of course, sometimes I can do all this and he's still climbing the walls. When this happens, I just go with it. My dad just about had a heart attack when he saw the picture below, but as the mother of a child with ADHD, I have to be
Flexible-Go-With-The-Flow-And-Do-Whatever-We-Need-To-Get-The-Task-Done-Mom.

So, this is how Tyson studied for his science test last week. I quizzed him, and he pretty much stayed this way the whole time.

So, how do you help your kids study for tests?

It All Changes in One Moment

Over the last week, I have had much to contemplate, much to commit to prayer.

The one thing that shocks me the most is how much everything can change in just one moment. Sometimes that change is a good one, like when you find out that you are pregnant. We experienced that type of change-in-a-moment in October. We hadn't been trying, in fact I was on the pill. But during a week when my husband was out of town, I realized in the busyness of "single-parent-duty" that something was up with me. I took the test, and in that moment - that very second - when two lines appeared, everything changed.

My family - We became a family of five.

My older son - He became the oldest son.

My younger son - He became the middle son.

My husband - He became the father of three children.

Me - I became the mother of three children.

Our home - It became a smaller house that needed some serious reorganizing.

Our cars - My SUV is big enough, but my husband's car will not seat two car seats and a booster.

The importance of my career - It became something to consider even more earnestly than before.

Our budget - It became a wee bit smaller (only a wee bit, see why here).

My To-Do list - It grew exponentially and suddenly included tasks like locating and unpacking hand-me-downs, thinking about baby names, knitting baby items.

It was such a surprise - a great big, joyful, awesome blessing of a surprise!

I waited four days until Hubby got home, and I told him. I attached an additional towel hook to the wall in the bathroom and waited for him to notice upon his return. He was shocked. Ecstatic. A little worried about finances, but so happy.

I visited the doctor for an ultrasound. We got a picture of a little splotch. I went back & got a new picture; the splotch had grown. I went back again & got yet another picture; the splotch had grown again and now had a heartbeat. We saw the flutter and a wiggle on the screen, and my heart leaped with joy. I grew a little bump and started making little accommodations in my wardrobe and my job.

And we told people. Our parents and siblings; our sons; friends; people we work with. All celebrated with us.


And then,

ten weeks and six days after that first moment of change...

we experienced another moment...

and it changed everything.

I went to the doctor for a routine visit on December 2. I went alone, you know, because it was a routine visit. We tried the external ultrasound, but there was "screening" and couldn't get a good image. So, we did the internal ultrasound. And it took one moment to see the thing I never expected to see. 

My baby had grown - I expected that. 

My baby looked like a baby - I expected that.

My baby had no heartbeat.

I did not expect that. I was not prepared for that.

There was no wiggle. No flutter. just a very still, very small baby.

My doctor was wonderful. He explained some things which I don't really remember now, and he sent me down the hall to the women's clinic in the hospital for a "check of life."

The technician was very kind. I think I was the only one who really needed to see a third ultrasound to confirm and fully comprehend what was happening. Looking back on the day, I think I was the only one who had doubts, who thought there must be something wrong with the machine.

The technician ran the fetal EKG, and I saw the flat line. And all I could think was, "No. No. I felt the flutter of movement just a few days ago. This is not happening." And then I saw the look on the technician's face. And then I cried.

Although everything changed again, we have found that a few things remain the same... sort of.

My house still needs reorganizing. 

My To-Do list is still too long.

The importance of my career is still something to consider.

We are still a family of five.

I am still the mother of three children:

          Tyson is nine years old.

          Riley is three years old.

           Shalom is in Heaven.

I'll be posting more about how we are coping with our loss, where faith fits in and how we are honoring our baby's memory in future posts. Please leave a comment if you have experienced this loss or love someone who has. I am finding comfort in the stories, thoughts and prayers of others. I would love to hear from you.