Session 1 Q&A

I wanted to post a little something from the first session in the Bible in 90 Days Participant Guide.
The guide contains questions to be discussed with your group at your weekly meeting. Of course, I don't have a weekly meeting of my group because my group is scattered across the four corners of the Earth. The Monday night Tweetups will involve some of the questions, I believe, but not all. And as long as I'm pondering these questions in my own heart, I might as well share those ponderings with you.

I think Session 1 was supposed to be done before the reading began because its ponderings have little to do with this challenge and more to do with background, previous attempts, etc. I will be posting all other discussions from the book on Fridays.

So, here goes:
1. Have you ever tried to read the entire Bible before? Why or why not?
Yes. I have tried to read it. I suppose I tried before because of the same reason lots of people do: I was looking for answers. I felt that I needed something that I wasn't getting from my life. My pitiful and worldly attempts at fulfillment left me empty.

2. If you have ever tried to read the Bible in its entirety, what challenges did you face in fulfilling your desire? Where did you start? How far did you get?
I think the biggest challenge was that I tend to lack stick-to-it-iveness for commitments that last more than a few days. Life got in the way. I got busy. I got stuck in certain sections.
I always started at Genesis 1:1. Despite the fact that many people have told me over the years that you can't read it from beginning to end - you need some sort of guide or manual - I have always felt that I wanted to read it from cover to cover. If God had meant for me to read the book of Luke first, he would have started the whole thing off with that part.
The first two times, I got as far as the last part of Exodus. Of course, I was reading a King James version and that didn't help. Then I once got as far as the end of Deuteronomy. This last time, I made it through about half of the book of Ezekiel. (But that took me about 9 years, so I'm not sure it actually counts as one reading!)

3. What have you found to be difficult and what have you found to be rewarding in your attempts to read the Bible regularly?
The most difficult part for me is not feeling guilty about the "Me Time" it requires. Although my family will benefit, I am largely doing this for me. To be honest, I stink at doing anything for myself that I think might take me away from doing something for someone else. Last night my husband was kind enough to do the dishes while I read. Although I'm sure he didn't mind, I did feel terribly guilty about that.
The most rewarding part is how my entire focus has shifted. Spending this much time in His word every single day has already forced my mind and my heart into a new shape. Whether I'm singing with students at work, playing with my own kids, or doing housework... no matter what I'm doing, part of my mind is always focused on Him. And that, my friends, is an awesome feeling.

4. If you have successfully read the entire Bible before...
No need to go on. We've already established that I have tried & not succeeded before.

5. If you have started to read the Bible but have never completed your reading goal, what really kept you from finishing what you started?
In a word (and by "a word" I mean "3words"): lack of discipline.

6. What most excites you about the prospect of reading the Bible in 90days?
I'd have to say that the thing that most excites me is the idea that I will have actually read the whole thing. And the fact that it's going so quickly helps to make everything more relevant to everything else. I'm flipping back less often because what I read in Genesis is still very fresh in my mind... because I just read it 4 days ago!

7. Why do you believe it is important to read the entire Bible? What do you expect to discover in terms of practical living, spiritual growth, knowledge of history, or other areas?
Okay, what do I not expect to learn about practical living? When you think about it, the Bible is the owner's manual for life. It is the ultimate operating and trouble shooting manual.
Want to know how to be a good wife? There's a scripture for that. Have a broken heart? There's a scripture for that. Want to know how to be a good worker? There's a scripture for that. Need to know how to raise your children? There's a scripture for that, too.
You know how they say that kids don't come with owner's manuals? Well, that's a bunch of hooey. You just pick up your Bible and crack it open, because every truly important thing you need to know about turning out good, upstanding adults is right in there. Everything you ever needed to know about this thing called life is in the Bible. God wouldn't give you such a precious gift & then say, "Okay. You're on your own. Go figure it out." He gave us an owners manual. We just have to read the instructions, and we'll get tons & tons of enjoyment and fulfillment out of it!

A few thoughts...

First of all, I would like to thank my readers (all four of them) for leaving comments on my delurking post. It's so nice to know that I'm not just writing this thing for myself. Because even though I definitely process through "stuff" on the blog, if I only wanted to keep it for me, I'd write it in a journal & stuff it under my bed. I want you to know that I always welcome and encourage your comments, thoughts, even your (gasp!) criticisms. I'm learning as I go, and feedback from others is a valuable and important part of learning anything.

So, I'm participating in reading the Bible in 90 Days. So far it's going well. It's Day 5 & I'm on track. Of course, it's only Day 5, and my stick-to-it-iveness tends to wane around the 9th or 10th day on this type of commitment. I think that part of me is still expecting failure. But I'm praying & reading through it.

There are many women (and a few men) who are participating, and it's been interesting to see how everyone is tackling this wonderful challenge. Some people are keeping daily journals. Some people are making family trees from Genesis. Some people are attacking their Bibles with highlighters. Some are making lists of things to explore further at a later date. Some people are even reading it to their children!

I congratulate every single person who has embarked on this journey. While we journey together, each of us has our own personal path to follow. If you feel inspired to make notes, or study deeper, or stand on your head and whistle dixie while you read, go for it!

I'm taking a slightly different approach. I'm not highlighting or journaling or making lists. I'm just reading. I really don't feel my usual need to make outlines and charts and keep them in a 3-ring binder. (Yes, I'm a little neurotic like that.) I don't feel any urgency to write in the margins or commit the whole thing to memory right now.

I feel strangely calm. I know I'll be back. After I've read it all, I know I will really dive into the parts that grab me. Then I'll take out my journal. Then I'll draw trees and make notes. I'll ponder every word if I'm moved to do so.

For now, I'm just letting His Word wash over me. I'm letting it cleanse my soul. Clean out the cobwebs. This is a big commitment. Why complicate it? He has lead me to this. I'm sure He will accomplish everything He wants with this experience. And He won't need a highlighter to do it.

I do, however, have a few reflections to share.

1. That whole thing about God creating Eve to be Adam's helper didn't so much bother my feminist roots this time. On the contrary, it forced me to really examine myself and my role in my marriage, and question all that girl-power stuff we grew up with.
   
2. While I may be backing away from the pillars of the modern feminist movement, I am super happy we've come really far from the early Old Testament! Women seemed to be quite a commodity back then. They were the ultimate reinforcer! Forget gold stars, if you help some girls water their father's sheep, he'll give you the oldest as a reward!
3. Jeebus. There was some seriously disturbing incest stuff going on back then. Guys marrying their father's sisters, girls getting dear old dad drunk and... (shudders) I can't finish that sentence. Creepy.
4. God didn't really pick men who were spectacular on their own to do His will. Adam was clearly wipped (Sorry, I know you may take that word as crude because of what it implies, but I couldn't think of a better way to put it. Please forgive me. Still learning, remember?) Noah basically became a drunk after he planted his vinyards. Abram was a bit soft. Jacob was a sneak & swindler. Moses was a doubter & seemed to whine a lot in the beginning. These guys only became great men after God got a hold of them (and even then, Moses whined about it). Gives me a little hope that I, too, might be used by the Lord.. despite my many shortcomings.
5. Moses must have had a stutter. He repeatedly tells the Lord (as if He wasn't aware) that he was "slow of tongue," and "clumsy with words." He also had some serious issues with self esteem & social anxiety. Even the Lord's promise to give him the words to speak didn't increase his confidence. Poor guy. But, again, gives me hope.
6. I've always thought the Lord had a sense of humor, but I only realized today that He can also be really creepy. Like, Dean Koontz & Stephen King creepy. (Cue creepy suspenseful music) Locusts? Frogs? Gnats? Water turned to blood? Flies? It's a good thing the Almighty is kind & loving, because things could have turned out much worse for us.

Alright, ya'll. I'm excited, humbled and on schedule. And I'm headed to bed. Nighty night!

Come Out, Come Out Whomever You Are!

I stole this post, almost verbatim from my dear friend. Thanks!

My first stop on the blog trail this morning was Idgie's Place, where I quickly learned it was Delurking Week! How fun!!! An entire week dedicated to simply stepping out from behind the screen and saying “Hey there, I’m reading you”.

In the spirit of delurking, I hope that anyone that is reading this silly old thing will pipe up and say howdy! Feel free to tell me about yourself and how you found my blog. Or if you’re the shy sort, just a simple “Hi, I’m with you” will do.

And in the spirit of conversation, I’m opening up the Q and A for delurking week. I’m an open book, so if there is anything you’ve ever wanted to know, now is the time to ask. Just leave your question in the comments section and I will collect them and answer them in a post later this week.

I'll also be blogging about my experience with reading the Bible in 90Days.

And in the next week or two, I'll also be posting about some other things I've been reading & listening to. I am very excited about the changes He is working in me right now. Big stuff is going on.

Day 1 of 90

See that image above? Hopefully it will be one that you'll be seeing a lot of on this blog.

That's because I'm reading the Bible in 90 Days. And I'm attempting to blog at least once a week about it.

Are you reading the Bible in 90 Days? If you are, then you probably read your first 12 pages today. I did. I had planned to read first thing in the morning... but I overslept.

The kids woke up before me, and any mom of small kids out there knows that not a lot of reading gets done while the 1st grader & the toddler are running amok. Well, reading can get done in bits & pieces, but it's usually interrupted every 6-10 sentences, and since half your brain is wondering why they are so quiet (or conversely, why the toddler - who has recently discovered the power of the blood curdling scream - is at it again), you could end up reading an entire page and not have any memory for what you just read. You know, where you are left wondering, not only what part of the story you just read, but also what book you just read. Was it that new Michael Crichton novel? That knitting book? The 1987 edition of the Southwestern Bell Yellow Pages? Who knows? I was listening for the children and wondering if that strange ripping sound followed by muffled yelps had anything to do with that missing roll of duct tape...

Needless to say, I ended up reading after the boys went to bed.

Today's reading covered the creation, the original sin, the flood, all the way up through Hagar's conversation with the Angel of the Lord. I wanted to keep reading, because I know that whole test of Abram is coming up, but I refrained from jumping ahead. The wise people at Bible in 90 Days set up a schedule for a reason. I shall do my best to stick to it.

So, how did your reading go today?

90 Days...

I got a package today.

I have been checking the mailbox like little Ralphie waiting for his Little Orphan Annie Secret Decoder... every day.

And it came. Today!

What is it, you ask? Oh, it's very cool.

It's this:
Excuse me while I do the Happy Dance...

Okay. I'm back. So here is how I came to be the very excited owner of this new Bible:

I was catching up on reading the blogs. I get so behind when I'm working during the school year, but there are those I try to read every day or two. Smockity is one of my favorites, as she is full of wisdom and has a great sense of humor too. (Seriously, she has made me choke on my Pepsi from laughing... I do not recommend drinking bubbly or hot liquids while reading her blog!)

I digress. Sorry.
Anyway, I read her post about the Bible in 90 Days program. Woah! I thought. I've been reading the Bible for 9 years, and I am only in Ezekiel! This is something that has frequently bothered me in the last year. This idea fascinated me.

I clicked a few links.

I read all about it.

I wrote a comment reporting that I would participate.

I clicked "Submit Comment."

I said to myself, "Self, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? ARE YOU INSANE? YOU ARE BEHIND IN PAPERWORK, BURIED UNDER UNFOLDED LAUNDRY, AND YOU HARDLY HAVE TIME TO SHOWER EVERY DAY. YOU ARE THE QUEEN OF UNFINISHED PROJECTS. You fail at so many of your endeavors... do you really think you will succeed in committing an hour each day to something you've failed to commit an hour a week to doing? Perhaps you should rethink this before you add one more failed, unfinished project to the colossal pile of failures you've already got going."

I promptly accepted defeat and changed my mind about participating.

And then, a couple of days later, I checked the comments in my latest blog post and saw that Connie from Smockity had left a comment on my blog.

Smockity Frocks said...

You won my Bible in 90 Days giveaway!!!

Oh dear. I quickly realized that I was now truly committed (and perhaps in need of being committed...) I will admit to having a moment of panic. But then, I thought about Divine Intervention. God heard that entire conversation I had with myself. In fact, He's heard a lot of those conversations lately. Some of them have been nice, polite discussions, and in some of them, well, I've just been plain old fashioned mean to myself.

Maybe He intends for me to do this. I've got a few changes to make. I've got a mess or two to clean up. I've got to start learning to love myself. I've got to learn that, although I am a sinner by nature, it's perfectly okay for me to be happy. He knows how long I've struggled. And maybe, just maybe, His word is the key to it all. Since I'm poor at doing things for me, but good at doing things for other people... poor at being accountable to me, but good at being accountable for other people... maybe He's giving me this kick in the backside.

That must be it, because ya'll, I never. win. anything.

I'm not kidding. I could enter a one person race, and I would not win.

I could enter a lottery that sold only one ticket, and I would not win.

But this, I won.

And now?

I'm SO READY TO GO!

January 1st, bring it on! I want to start.

I will do this.

And I'll blog about it. Because I think this is the kind of journey that one really must share.

So, I would like to give a HUGE

THANK YOU!!!!

To Ms. Smockity, and to the folks at Bible in 90 Days.

Imperfect...

This is our Christmas tree.
It is not a perfect tree. It is terribly thin.

It has many bare spots. Gaps left when the spare branches are fanned out to their fullest, but still cannot fill in the spaces.

It's ornaments are hung terribly lopsided. Small fingers, unable to grasp the big picture, focus on each ornament as if it is the only one. There is no regard for overall appearance. Just for each special ornament as it is hung.

Many of the lower branches hold clusters of ornaments. The boughs sag under the weight. Because, really. If one ornament is good on this branch, several must be better.

A light bulb or two has burnt out. Unable to shine with the light of the season, they await a new bulb. They wait to be filled, again, with light.


The garland hangs, uneven. This, the result of a huge, red Tonka truck having crashed into it. Perhaps an accident. Perhaps a wreckless, impulsive moment in a toddler's day. One of the inevitable events of this tree's existence.

I look at this imperfect tree, and I love it. I don't need a big tree with matching garlands & perfectly hung ornaments. This Christmas tree serves as a daily reminder. It reminds of the season, the anticipation, the truth.

Like this tree, I am imperfect. At times, I can be quite thin on character. I, too, have bare spots in my spirit where, despite stretching, I can not fill in all the spaces. I am lopsided and unbalanced. My sins hang in clusters, weighing down my limbs. I, too, have lights that have burnt out. I am filled with the Holy Spirit, but sometimes I am unable to allow the Light of Christ to shine through me. Parts of my spirit hang to the ground, the result of the inevitable events of my existence.

I am His. He looks at this imperfect being, and He loves me. He loves me so much that He gave his only begotten Son to wash away my sins. Jesus was born to fulfill a promise. His promise. That through Him, I can be full on character; I can find balance; my sins can be lifted from my boughs; my lights can shine with His Grace; I can be renewed and repaired after the inevitable events of this life.

And it all began with a birth. A coming. The coming. Of a Savior.

I look at my sad little tree, and I love it. My imperfect Christmas tree reminds me that in this time of advent, we wait. We anticipate the coming of our Savior.

The Old, the Now, the New.

It is early morning. It is dark. The sun has yet to wake from its slumber.

The trees are silent under the weight of the fog, and the cool air softly touches my face.

There is a chill in the air, but it is not cold. So many years it has been frigid in these early morning hours.

This is my favorite part.

How many years have I walked this path?

How many times have I traveled this road with him?

This is my favorite part.

We set off, down the now familiar dirt road. The air is damp and the leaves make a quiet shushing sound under our feet. We can hear the coyotes, throwing up their last cry into the darkness. I follow him into the woods. Always, my eyes find his broad shoulders, wrapped in the warmth of his ridiculously bright orange parka.

He cradles his rifle in his arm as he walks. Confident, quiet steps. And I follow him. Like a duckling I follow my dad. My Titan. My superhero. Wherever he walks, I will follow. I know this forest; he knows it better. This is my job. Only to follow.

This is my favorite part.

He will deposit me into my spot, the spot he gave me, and then continue to his own. I will not be able to see him, but he will not be far. He does not go far from me.
But this year it hurts.

Again? I think. The thing that got broken was broken so long ago. Like bubbles from a shipwreck, the pain rises up from the watery depths again and again. Why? All these years later. Someone very wise told me this is the lasting legacy of divorce. The husband and the wife walk away with hardly a scratch. But the children are wounded forever.

The moment the important thing got broken became a hash mark in my life. A slash across time. There is what we had before,. And what came after. For all these years I have kept them separated. I wrapped up what came before. Protected it, preserved it. Left it sealed up and untouched.

But this year is different. Last weekend, the first of the season, I alone followed.

I have struggled with this. My heart has been breaking in anticipation of this walk.

This is the moment. The new collides with the old.

Before there were two. Now there are three. There is a new one.

I want to cry out that she doesn't belong in this place. I want to stomp and cry and ask if nothing is sacred.

And then a light dawns. And I see it. Did I do that? Did I really...?

Did I build an altar? In my heart, did I construct a place to worship something that should not be worshiped? Did I come to treasure the thing that got broken so much that it became too important?

I think that maybe I did. I know that God loves my parents. I know that he loved their marriage. I know that He loved, maybe still loves, the thing that got broken. That was their choice, not His.

But this. This is His choice. Perhaps He put her here. God knows what we need.

Perhaps my superhero needed to experience what he missed the first time. He was absent the first time. He was young then. He didn't know what he missed.

Perhaps the new one needs a superhero. Yes. She definitely needs one. She hasn't got one of her own.

Perhaps God saw all of this. Perhaps He put his perfect plan into place.

He knew this would be difficult for me. He knew it would hurt. That my heart would break again.

I have been praying to Him for weeks. Please help me see. Please heal my broken heart. I have done the best I can these last weeks, but still... I have not behaved well. I have struggled to exercise the fruits of the Spirit, so bruised has been my heart. But so far... nothing. Just the hurt.

My God is big.

He has heard me. He came before me to light the way.

As the sun comes up, I can see. The wind moves over the hills, and I think this must be what it is like when the Holy Spirit moves over the Earth. It is like the very breath of God moving around and through the trees.

And in that moment, I stop. I stop crying. I stop raging. I stop fighting. I stop resisting.

I let Him do what it is I asked Him to do. What I know He wanted to do from the start. I let Him heal my broken heart. I embrace His most perfect plan. I accept the gift He has given me. I accept that He has given a gift to them.

I still follow when we walk on that dirt road. But now I do not follow blindly. I have a purpose.

The Titan leads. The new one follows. I follow her. But I am no longer a duckling. Now I am a watcher. I know this forest. The new one doesn't know it yet. So I watch out for her. I point my light in front of her feet. I know where the puddles are without looking. She needs the light to see them. I am here in case she falls behind. I already know where she is going. She doesn't know the way yet.

Things have changed. But not everything. I know this now.

Because in a quiet moment, my Titan told me something important. He told me how much he enjoyed the time when only we came here to this place where I set down my roots. He told me that he remembers, too, how it was before the thing got broken. He told me that this is not just a place for the old. It is a place for the old and the now and the new. And he told me that he loves me.

And I know that we can love the old. And we can love the new. And that loving the new doesn't diminish the love we have for the old. And I believe him. Because he is, and will always be, my superhero.