Things I Never Thought I'd Hear Myself Say

Have you ever heard yourself say something at the same time that everyone else in the room heard you say it? And have you ever been surprised to hear the words that came out of your mouth?

The most popular example I can think  of is that moment when you say something and then realize that you sound exactly like your mother/father/grandparent/caretaker. Sometimes that moment comes with an inner groan of, "Oh dear. I really have become my mother/father/grandparent/caretaker. I'm talking about that moment when you realize that you just gave the old, "I will turn this car around if you do not stop touching your brother," or "Because I said so," or, "Don't make me come up there!"

I do that often, as I'm sure anyone who is a parent, step-parent, foster-parent, guardian, etc. does.

And then sometimes there are those things I say that come flying in from left field. I have no idea where they come from, but they are often dictated by whatever is going on with the people around me (the usual suspects include my husband and kids, of course).

Over the last week, I've said some amazing things. Things I never thought I would say in a million years. Here are some of my most shining moments from the week:

• "Dude. We do not put our penises on other people. It's rude." (This was followed by, "Yeah! And really weird," from my other son.)

• "Please stop flogging my refrigerator with a rubber snake." 

• "Did you seriously just bonk my kid in the head with a butter bottle?"

• "Why did you pee in the middle of your bedroom floor? Batman does not pee in the middle of his bedroom floor."

• "Please do not lick the caterpillar. No, he does not like to be licked. It makes him sad."

• "Oh, it's okay, Sweet Pea. Everyone falls into the toilet every now and then."

Is it me, or is there a running theme of private parts and bathroom-related comments? Such has my life become... just a string of bathroom-related comments.