Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Things I Should Be Doing Today

~ Turning my thoughts toward going back to work in three weeks.
~ Dusting and vacuuming the house.
~ Doing a day of education with Tyson.
~ Emptying the dishwasher.
~ Tending my garden.
~ Painting some shelves for Ty's room.
~ Working on Riley's quilt.
~ Planning out a project.
~ Finishing a project.
~ Cleaning out my laundry room (so we can work on it this weekend).
~ Exercising.
~ Tackling Mount Wash-more. (At this point it's beyond a K12)
~ Reorganizing the boys' closets & dressers.

The problem is that I've had a terrible time with self-discipline lately. I've been staying up much too late, sleeping much too late, eating too much junk food, yelling at my kids too much, letting household tasks pile up, letting the laundry back up, neglecting my Bible time, skipping exercise, indulging in too much crabbiness, reading too many books, watching too much TV...

...and generally letting myself get off track.

The problem is this crazy be-a-work-outside-the-home-mom-for-nine-months-and-be-a-stay-at-home-mom-three-months thing.

During the school year, the wheels come off the household wagon. That's because I'm out of the house for 8 hours a day, and I'm generally exhausted from the strain of the whole thing the other 16 hours of the day. Add to that Ty's hectic cub scout/tennis schedule and my guilt over putting Riley in daycare, and I'm pretty much useless most of the time.

I know, I know.  That doesn't sound very Hellen Reddy, I AM WOMAN of me. The truth is, I don't know how other working moms do it. I suspect most of them hire house cleaning services and feed their families fast food or something.

So I always start the summer with a bang. My house gets cleaner. My overall mood improves. This place works like a well oiled machine.

And then, when the school year begins to loom on the horizon and I realize this family wonderland is not going to last... well, I think I sort of get a little blue.

I feel disappointment at the fact that all of my great systems and habits will be interrupted, terminated, harpooned.

I feel frustrated at the fact that the school year allows me the burden opportunity to have a job and a family, and to do a piss-poor (pardon me) job of managing both.

I feel cheated by the culture that helped to raise me to believe that I could have it all and look beautiful too. When you have it all, you have to manage it all, and it's really hard to look beautiful with those dark circles under the eyes.

I feel tired of the guilt over constantly feeling that I'm failing at everything at once; I feel tired of the constant conflict - Part of me wants to be that super-successful career girl; part of me wants to be barefoot, pregnant & in the kitchen, tending to my children & husband.

So with 17 days left of this life, I'm feeling tired, apathetic, crabby and just generally blah. I long to enjoy these last days of summer...

I guess I just need to figure out how.

How do you pull yourself up and get the wheels put back on your wagon?


  1. That's so tough. The wheels come off the wagon for us during the summer too...even though I don't work outside the home. You can definitely do it. I usually start with my diet and exercise to start feeling a little more in control. Then tackle one project per day and spend the rest of your time enjoying your summer. I wish I was one of those people who didn't try to do everything perfect, but alas my personality is what it is. Learning to live with adequacy and not perfection- it's so hard!

  2. I wish I had some sage advice, but I don't. I have the working part down, but I don't have the added stress of balancing the Mom aspect of it (although you well know I wish I did...). All I can think of to say is pray about it. God already knows what's going on, He's just waiting for you to come to Him with it. Even though He might not come and organize the kids' closets and tackle Mt. Washmore with a sweep of His celestial hand (how awesome would THAT be???), He can still help. You taught me that. If I let Him, He can help me with anything. He can help you start to piece back together the "scattered-ness" and get back on track.
    And if all else fails, throw up your hands in defeat and meet your favorite BFF at B&N tomorrow for some stitch & bitch therapy! :) :) :)
    Love you!
    Oh, thanks for the link you emailed me, I hadn't seen that before and have it bookmarked to check in further detail!
    Hugs and smoochies!


I would love to hear from you (as long as you're not a robot.)!