Friday, March 5, 2010


One of the most amusing things about being a mom is the amazing (& sometimes strange) running dialogue in our home. When we were a young married couple with no kids, the house was filled with talk of politics, weather, funny friend stories and where we should eat out (Because, dude. I seriously could not cook).

Enter the children, and even the grownup conversations seem to center around snot, school kids, bowel movements, who put which new scuff mark on the previously freshly painted walls, and oh-my-gosh-how-can-we-be-out-of-milk/bread/toiletpaper-already?!?!

The best stuff is what we hear out of our kids. So, without further ado, I give you some of the strange things we have heard around our house this week:

From Tyson:
"I hate to tell you this, but..." (this is his new catch phrase, and it could be followed by anything from "these bananas are squishy," to "Riley is stuffing buttons up his nose.")

"That is soooo inappropriate" (uttered to his little brother)

"He's not making good choices. Again." (uttered about his little brother)

"Mommy, what does your colon do?"

"Everyone needs to be quiet, because I need to tell everyone this...." (this preceded a big announcement at dinner - see the next in the list)
"...we made a home for worms yesterday!" (Worm homes are apparently quite important..)

"Mom! You just said the 'Nerd-Word'!" (I admit to needing an explanation of what exactly a "Nerd-Word" is...)
"Wow! Mom, you have got to come here [to the bathroom]. I just dropped a BOMB in there!" (Do I really need to elaborate? Suffice it to say that boys are strange, and sometimes icky, little creatures.)

From Riley (with translations)
"Momma! Rotcoe [slurping noise] [licks hand] Ewwwww! [touches face]" (Mom! Roscoe the dog just licked me all over the face when you weren't looking and it was gross, but that won't stop me from going back over so he can do it again.)
"Uh-oh. Momma! Uh-oh! Wiwey may mess meowk. Momma! Meowk coe!" (Uh-oh! Momma! Uh-oh! Riley made a mess [with] milk. Momma! Milk [is] cold!) (Uh-oh! Mom, you're not gonna like this, but I just spilled an entire cup of milk all over myself, the cabinet front, the floor and the dog. Oh, and the milk is cold.) 

"Wiwey no yike Daddy caw rrrmmmmmmm." (Riley no like Daddy's car [that goes] vroom.) (I do not like Daddy's Mustang Cobra, as it is quite loud, and the emissions from the tailpipe could easily kill an elephant unfortunate enough to be behind it.)

"Momma! [grins] Wiwey oohh. In oohh." (Mom! Riley ear. In ear.) (Mom! I have stuck several peas into my ear. Good luck getting them out because peas are really squishy and I have the smallest ear canals ever seen on a human toddler.)

"Jfjiilllll. Wiwey fhfhfhpplththth." (I have no idea. Seriously. Sometimes he just lets loose with a string of very excited, but completely unrelated phonemes, then nods his head as if he has made his point. He then waits for us to give some sort of appropriate response. Thankfully, a "really?" or "Oh, I see" from us is sufficient.)

"Momma! Wiwey weh. Neenee. Wiwey wike neenee. Weh."(Momma! Riley wet. Candy. Riley like candy. Wet.) (Mom! My diaper is wet. It's barely wet. Okay, maybe it's not really even wet, but you've been giving me a mini M&M every time I come & tell you that I'm wet. I really like candy, and we hardly ever get any at all, so I'm gonna go ahead & cry "Wet!" so that I can get a little candy. By the way, we both know that you will give me the piece of candy, and then take me to the bathroom to change said diaper. And that's when I'm planning to make my escape. The minute my feet hit the floor, I'm going to do the "wet noodle" & drop to the floor, then I'm going to do a "triple sow cow with an extra twist" to wiggle away from you. I'll finish my program with a full on naked-from-the-waste-down sprint around the house during which time you'll be thinking about how my diaper wasn't really that wet & I'll probably end up peeing all over the house as you chase me. Good times, Momma. Good times.)

What kinds of things do you hear in your home?


  1. Hey now, the fumes from my car would only kill a small elephant...

  2. So hilarious and sweet. Profound even, don't you think? Love it. Love your home!


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